conflict resolution

Don't Talk it Out

Maybe you are like me and when you find yourself in conflict you want to work it out right away?!

I have found over the years that there are many times when this is just not the best idea.

Why?

Because talking it out with the person who you are in conflict with isn’t always the most efficient or even effective strategy to get needs met.

Compassion vs. Power?

Sometimes when someone is doing something we don’t like, we find it very difficult to are about why they are doing/saying it, and we find it very easy to label them as wrong.  Some things are just so awful to hurtful to us, we lose our capacity to react any other way.

Has this happened to you? You really want to understand what motivated someone to do something —you sometimes even think you are trying to understand what motivated someone to do something.  Your voice is pleasant, you insist that you really are curious.  Yet, when it comes down to it, you really are furious, or disappointed, maybe full of despair.   If you were able to slow it down enough and check in, you would be able to notice it.

Ouch.

Yesterday I was having a coffee (well, I had the carrot salad and fizzy water) with a friend.  This is Kim, a kindred spirit who I am inspired by and with and feel grateful when it works out that we can hang out.  We were catching up after her travels; she was on a journey with one of her mentors/spiritual teachers in Mexico.

Our conversation was lovely and lively, and was running deep.

And then, I noticed a shift. It was ever so slight, a move in my seat, a twitch in my face, a noticing of a mild ‘unpleasant’. 

A Little Help Please.

Most people are super-enthusiastic when they come to my classes and hear what seems like poetry and expresses the Nonviolent Communication consciousness.  They hear the compassion, the curiosity, the clarity and the strength that can be communicated ~ even in significantly difficult situations.

Barometers

What are people really saying to you?  You can use these barometers to help you understand what is important to the person you are speaking with --and also for yourself, when you might be confused.

How do you Contribute?

How did you contribute to the situation you are unhappy about?

In my opinion it is one of the most empowering questions we can ask of ourselves.  When we are in a situation that we aren’t so happy about, depending what it is, then I encourage you to consider this first.

It's An Emergency! Emerge and See.

It's An Emergency!  Emerge and See.

I am quite moved by all the #metoo’s I am reading on Facebook.  So grateful that we have found an opening, a place to begin this conversation.  I am hearing about years and years of aggression, defense, confusion, pain, shame, and rage.  

I am experiencing this moment as women wanting to once again, emerge with all the power that the sacred feminine embodies.  It is an emergency.  

What's Wrong with Right and Wrong

The last time I was in a meeting with a group of people, one person (emphatically) offered an opinion of what next steps we should take on a project. Almost instantly, the energy in the room changed. An awkward quiet descended and the air whooshed out of the room. Why? It turns out that others in the room had quite a different opinion. So what?