healthy communication

Compassion vs. Power?

Sometimes when someone is doing something we don’t like, we find it very difficult to are about why they are doing/saying it, and we find it very easy to label them as wrong.  Some things are just so awful to hurtful to us, we lose our capacity to react any other way.

Has this happened to you? You really want to understand what motivated someone to do something —you sometimes even think you are trying to understand what motivated someone to do something.  Your voice is pleasant, you insist that you really are curious.  Yet, when it comes down to it, you really are furious, or disappointed, maybe full of despair.   If you were able to slow it down enough and check in, you would be able to notice it.

Ouch.

Yesterday I was having a coffee (well, I had the carrot salad and fizzy water) with a friend.  This is Kim, a kindred spirit who I am inspired by and with and feel grateful when it works out that we can hang out.  We were catching up after her travels; she was on a journey with one of her mentors/spiritual teachers in Mexico.

Our conversation was lovely and lively, and was running deep.

And then, I noticed a shift. It was ever so slight, a move in my seat, a twitch in my face, a noticing of a mild ‘unpleasant’. 

Fireworks.

Sexual chemistry is fun.  Our neurological and biochemical response to meeting a mate haven’t evolved much in the past 13,000 years. When you meet a person you like and who likes you, and has the promise of forever, biochemically, your body is telling you that you are safe.

In this day and age, it is often difficult to think in those kinds of practical terms. You just get happy.

Holiday Haste + Holiday Waste ~ Be Mindful of your Relationships During the Holidays.

From Halloween through til New Years, we are bombarded with images of houses to decorate, parties to either perfectly host or joyfully participate in, hundreds of gifts to buy, including gifts to have in your closet so you can give a gift to someone you don’t know well enough to buy a real gift for yet have a gift for them if they happen into your home.  Don’t forget all these gifts require wrapping—thank goodness for gift bags and tissue paper.  Food shopping, traveling, organizing pet sitting, and the rest of it.

I Want to Tell You How I Feel

In Nonviolent Communication classes we spend a whole bunch of time figuring out how to feel our feelings.  How do we notice them?  How to distinguish feelings from thoughts, games to discern one feeling from another.  Practices to enhance our capacity to say what they are.    We have sheets and cards and magnets and games.  All so we can know what our feelings are.

And now you want to share them.

Core Strengthening

We all know what this means.  Ab work. 

And, if you have a trainer, you might learn quickly that having a strong core is not just ab work.  It is strengthening all the muscles, including the abdominals so that we are strong in all our movements.  Our entire body benefits and becomes sturdy, durable and protected so it will function optimally throughout the day.

A Little Give and Take

I talk with a great deal of people some of whom share with me that they are ‘so ready for a relationship!’  These are words I understand and remember saying myself.

And, I wonder.  Are you really ready?

Will You Please?

When you say to someone “Will you please (fill in the blank)?”, how delighted are you when receive a no in response?  Your answer to this question is critical to the success of your relationships.  When I say success, I mean how much you enjoy relating with other people.