Most people are super-enthusiastic when they come to my classes and hear what seems like poetry and expresses the Nonviolent Communication consciousness. They hear the compassion, the curiosity, the clarity and the strength that can be communicated ~ even in significantly difficult situations.
They tend to find a bit more difficulty going back into their lives, being with all the same people they were in relationship with. Those same relationships that they struggled with so much so that they signed up for a workshop or class or practice group.
Armed with barely enough memory of what happened during the weekend, they anticipate instant transformation of these relationships. (There’s a written guarantee on the workshop flyer, right?)
We must go through a period of UNlearning what we have been taught was effective communication (which we KNOW in our beings is not). We must create new internal realities and habits that have ‘served’ us in many ways for many years, yet not longer do. We must choose to take new actions while our neurology is screaming “DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!”
While NVC is lovely, while using the skillsets of NVC will change the quality of your relationships and your life, while you want it so badly, it just isn’t so easy to do.
You need a little help.
Here it is…
Spend some time remembering why you want to do this (or wanted, before you realized how much effort on your part it would involve ~ remember you probably thought your relationship struggles were everyone else’s fault before you embarked on this NVC journey!?)
- Remember that you are inspired by the promise of NVC.
- Remember that you are inspired by who you can be in your relationships if you do the work.
- Remember that you want to live by values you hold dear.
- Remember that you actually do want to transform the quality of your relationship(s) and your life.
Sometimes when you are in the thick of things with your people, remembering what is important to you will be the touchstone you need to keep on keeping on with this “being compassionate stuff”.