It's Not My Fault

That’s correct. It isn’t. No matter what the topic. When people are talking about institutional and systemic inequity and racism and are asking you to reflect on your own privilege, you might hear blame. You might not like how you feeling hearing the word, especially how it relates to you, and resist. After all, you are progressive and want —possibly even have worked for civil rights. Having this conversation in the context of blame will be super challenging. Because it isn’t your fault. Yet you have contributed to the issue.

I Don't Know What to Say

It seems like the confluence of events in America and the world in 2020 culminating with watching the murder of a You care deeply want to say something yet, are stuck for a single thing to say, possibly because you think it won’t help, it won’t be enough, you have no right to say anything, or you will make someone angry. You do not have to say anything in order to be engaged in what’s happening.

What to Say When There's Nothing to Say

During these times where we have almost nowhere to go, some people I check in with are finding that they don’t have anything to say. Doing the same things over and over, some without work, some with work, yet a sense of restlessness, boredom, malaise is setting in. People are losing enthusiasm. Friends and neighbors and clients are sharing that even if they have work, they don’t seem to want to do it. Getting dressed into something they haven’t slept in seems like a bit too much energy to expend since..well, why bother?

CommunicationTerrie LewineApril 28, 2020communication, corona virus, relationships Comments

Corona and Kids. What Are You Saying?

Your children are instantly navigating a new experience. Depending upon their age they don’t have the capacity to understand what’s happening in the same ways you do. For better and for worse. They don’t have the brain development to make meaning of what they are seeing and hearing. They exist more deeply on the feeling level. Not only are they trying to make meaning of the change in their lives, they are deeply impacted by you, the parents, their caregivers. In more ways that you might be thinking about. They are tracking on your every move.

I Already Said That!

There are a few things I have become aware over many years of teaching and learning NVC and how to relate effectively with other people. One is that we want a script. I think it is one of the appealing things in this work. There is a structure.

Self Care, Communication, RelationshipsTerrie LewineJanuary 30, 2020blog, communication, needs, nonviolent communication, connectionComment

Maybe?

How do you say maybe? My favorite way to say maybe: I hold off responding to an invitation when I am uncertain. At the moment I am convinced that it is better to not respond until I know one way or the other —meaning have a real answer.

Self Care, Communication, RelationshipsTerrie LewineJanuary 20, 2020blog, maybe, communicaion, friendship, freedom Comments

I am Just Trying to Help You.

I am on a plane returning home from a trip to visit Steve. I was the first to board the plane...first time ever that happened! Comfortably in my seat. 29F. By the window. A man younger than myself likely by 20 or more years comes to the row and let’s me know that he is in the middle seat. He suggested to me that this flight had few passengers and he would likely change his seat. He added, “Doing it so you can be comfortable.”

Don't Talk it Out

Maybe you are like me and when you find yourself in conflict you want to work it out right away?! I have found over the years that there are many times when this is just not the best idea. Why? Because talking it out with the person who you are in conflict with isn’t always the most efficient or even effective strategy to get needs met.

Flopping Around in a Net

Not another goldfish story?!

Yes and no. Well, yes.

One of my goldfish went over the last waterfall into the basin where the pump is. It will eventually be covered up so s/he would not survive. In order to save his/her life, I went in with the big net and caught it. It was flopping in the net, obviously in distress. Even though I repeated, “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay”.

In retrospect I was likely trying to calm myself, at very least in addition to the fish.

I was saving the fish’s life. Yet…

Communication, RelationshipsTerrie LewineJuly 29, 2019relationships, empowerment, women, choiceComment