When I play tennis, I say “I’m sorry” over and over. I rarely hit the ball over the net and into the court, often it is over the fence (I am pretty strong!). And each time, I say “sorry.”
Oooh! A big question. A complicated topic. One that so rarely gets talked about with the curiosity, depth and sensitivity that it requires.
Sex can offer us some of the most pleasure and ecstatic experience possible. It is also can be used to take someone’s power away, and create (in some cases) life long pain.
I was teaching yesterday and someone offered this poem as our 'Remembering', a way to start the class. A poem by Billy Collins (who apparently is famous), about a gift for his mother. I enjoyed it so much I decided to offer it here as well.
Love and Compost. What do they have in common?
Well, likely not everything. Let’s just see.
There are a wide variety of what could be considered awkward conversations that couples and soon-to-be couples can have. In my opinion the sooner you have them, the more likelihood the relationship will work out. What makes them awkward, of course, is complicated. It depends on the people in the relationship, what they want, their individual communication skills, and communication compatibility as a couple.
Let’s start with this one.
Often we spend time in classes and practice groups discerning the difference between being angry or mad, from dropping more into your feelings and in discerning what is truly going on —feeling more sad, for example.
Let’s just take a break from that.
Have you been taught, either implicitly or explicitly, that speaking up or speaking out is bad? Have you heard or somehow just know, that good girls don’t yell, good Christians don’t get angry, unless you have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all? Have you been silenced in a group, waiting your turn to speak up and your turn never comes? Have you been told that what you say and how you say it doesn’t have value? Maybe it has been made crystal clear to you that you're too sensitive, and that your feelings aren’t valid nor are they important?
Well, it happened. I got mad. At Steve.
How often to you take a breath and consider what you are thinking? Here's a little story about how doing it more might dramatically change your life for the better.
In Nonviolent Communication classes we spend a whole bunch of time figuring out how to feel our feelings. How do we notice them? How to distinguish feelings from thoughts, games to discern one feeling from another. Practices to enhance our capacity to say what they are. We have sheets and cards and magnets and games. All so we can know what our feelings are.
And now you want to share them.
This past week I became aware of something I do. And it wasn’t the only time. I have done it quite a few times. Something happens and I instantly feel frustrated. First thing was to actually notice that I was upset (and in some weird way, needing a minute to admit it to myself). I think I often don’t want to be upset. So…here it is --this was my process. I wonder if you do this too?
We all know what this means. Ab work.
And, if you have a trainer, you might learn quickly that having a strong core is not just ab work. It is strengthening all the muscles, including the abdominals so that we are strong in all our movements. Our entire body benefits and becomes sturdy, durable and protected so it will function optimally throughout the day.
I talk with a great deal of people some of whom share with me that they are ‘so ready for a relationship!’ These are words I understand and remember saying myself.
And, I wonder. Are you really ready?
I went to dinner last night to celebrate a friend’s birthday. There were 11 of us.
We bought plates for the middle of the table and shared whatever came out. The food was delicious. The conversation lively. The evening was enjoyed by all.
When it came time to pay for the meal...
New Year’s Eve. I find the cultural message of a successful celebration of the New Year encourages us to be with lots of people, and to drink a bit, or maybe even a lot?
I have tried that in a variety of ways.
When you say to someone “Will you please (fill in the blank)?”, how delighted are you when receive a no in response? Your answer to this question is critical to the success of your relationships. When I say success, I mean how much you enjoy relating with other people.
Do you ever find yourself avoiding someone? You don’t go to this event because you know ‘they’ will be there. You plan a quick getaway scheme for family dinners just in case that certain someone says that certain thing. Maybe that difficult someone is a bit closer to you? A roommate, a co-worker, or —do I dare say it— your significant other??
Most people are super-enthusiastic when they come to my classes and hear what seems like poetry and expresses the Nonviolent Communication consciousness. They hear the compassion, the curiosity, the clarity and the strength that can be communicated ~ even in significantly difficult situations.
Are you stuck? How do you know? What does this question even mean?
As I reflect on this question, I think I have the answer to what the problem is.