Giving Thanks Even if you Aren’t Into it this Thanksgiving

Every year the holidays come around. And every year we make choices about where to go and who to see. Here are a few (3) tips to help you navigate a challenging holiday season.

1.  Prepare.  [Pre-Empathy]
If you have been going to your family for years and years and it has always the same, then preparing for what’s going to happen will help you enjoy the time.  Anticipate what will be asked of you, or offered to you that you don’t like.  Do some pre-empathy considering what needs are behind the questions and actions of your family members (despite how it presents, or the actual words they use). 

Here’s an example:  My mom always asks me where my partner is.  Every year.  I might hear disappointment (okay for her to feel that way).  I might also hear judgment:  What?!  your partner isn’t coming to family dinners?  Are you sure he is committed to you? —she might even say that.  What’s underneath that for her?  Likely my happiness.  In her world, a true partner comes (whether they want to or not) to family dinners.  There has been a good deal of obligation woven into my family story.  If that isn’t happening, then she can’t understand how I could happy.

If you understand and connect to the needs of the other, you can just hear what lies beneath their words/actions.  Time together is much more pleasant with this in mind.

2.  Limit Your Exposure.
How much time do you think you could spend with the family and actually be grateful and/or enjoy the time?  If your answer is zero, then possibly reconsider why you choose to go?  Pull apart obligation from responsibility.  If you go when you have no interest, my guess is that you won’t enjoy one minute and blame others for your saying yes when you meant no. 

If you are aware of the needs met by choosing to be with your family, take a moment to plan how much time you want to be there.  Plan and communicate clearly what those plans are.  Let your people know what you are up to.  Knowing that you are able to navigate your exposure to your family can help you fully enjoy the benefits of being with your family.  They might feel hurt or disappointed that you aren’t staying for the entire weekend (or evening for that matter).  Acknowledge their disappointment and either negotiate or keep your plans. 

3.  Have your Re-Connecting (Self-Care) Practices at the ready.
Before you head out to your family dinner, have some delightful self-care possibilities set up or in mind. Do you like to journal?  Take a hot bath in candlelight?  Do you like to sit on the beach?  How about scheduling a massage, or Reiki session?  Have your binge-watching lineup at the ready.  Do you love cooking, or meditating, or yoga?  Chocolate indulgence?  (not sure it counts as self-care ;)   Hanging with your friends that just get you?

What are the ways that you can weave ease and joy and calm into your day.  Set yourself up for that all to happen as much as necessary.

One more thing…COMPASSION

There are some for which the holidays are more than either delightful or stressful.  Some of us have experienced loss this year and the holiday is bringing up loneliness and despair.  Some have never had a holiday season they enjoyed and yet are being asked once again to endure the annual months and months of being immersed in energy that is the opposite of what’s true for them.  Likely these friends are not speaking up.  Please be mindful to check in with the people you care about and ask.  Offer them opportunities for deep sharing and experiencing care.

Blessings dear ones for finding Gratitude and Giving Thanks even if it is a challenge.  Especially if it is a challenge.