Tis the season.
Naughty/Nice, Good/Bad, Right/Wrong
This kind of black and white thinking rules us. We learn it from young. You might get a gift from Santa if you are nice, be good or do what your parents want you to do.
However continuing this practice of doing what someone else wants you to do, or ‘because it is nice’ (or good, or right) will only lead you to relationships filled with confusion and resentment.
Why? Because if you only say the things that you think are nice, or because someone else thinks you should, ultimately you will blame them for the life you have —and don’t want. So, the pattern ends up being nice and holding things in, and then blowing up being naughty or doing ‘bad’ things. Then apologizing and going back to being nice.
Here’s another option:
Be authentic and kind.
Getting off this roller coaster of good/bad thinking allows you to have real relationships that are honest and based in care and compassion.
Which means checking inside before you say and do things and consider two things:
1. Why are you saying it? What needs of your own will get met or not?
2. What is the likely impact on the other? What needs of theirs will get met or not?
Caring about the needs of all concerned, we get to ask for all that we want (strategy to get a need met), and then negotiate with others so that everyone’s needs will get met.
Rather than hold your thoughts or true desires in, which leads to almost certain resentment and disconnection, please do your best in being honest and compassionate in your relationships.This is how you will create deeply connected and satisfying relationships.