Hello Neighbor Friend

I recently watched the movie Project Hail Mary –3 times so far.  I am destined to watch it again and imagine that it will be sooner rather than later.  It was the best movie I have seen in years, which isn’t too difficult to rate since it was the only movie I’ve seen in years.  There was/is something about the alien character Rocky and his alliance with the human character Dr. Rylander Grace that brings me such a sense of hope, and joy, and delight that I want to be immersed in the experience over and over.   [SPOLER ALERT:  If you plan to see this movie, read no further because I am intending to share some details about dialogue and character development.]

I’m sure a great deal of time and thought was spent to create the two main characters.  One of the main things I enjoyed was the language that was given to the alien character “Rocky” and how he communicated.  He looked like a rock, had no head, yet became an endearing character.  I couldn’t help but fall into love.  The plot line of this movie was a collaborative effort for Rocky and Grace to save their two planets.  A lot happened before the two met in space, and there was a good deal of finding their way which required a significant amount of effort and trust between the two. The friendship that ensued was at least enhanced by the words Rocky used when translated by the computer.  Maybe this all sounds complicated, but truly it wasn’t.  It was a fun and inspiring encounter to witness. 

One of the ways I was inspired was by the use of the word friend and the absolute clarity that Rocky and Dr. Grace offered each other.  For example, when Rocky was curious about something he would say, “Who are you talking to? Question.   Who are you talking to Grace, friend?”  Rocky would insert these clarifying descriptives so there was no question about his communication intentions. 

I have been particularly moved by his addition of the word friend so many times throughout the film.  “Hello Grace, friend”.  I want to (and often do) now weave it into my own communications. 

There is a tenderness, a kindness that is automatically woven into who you are to me.  I have found that with couples, or even not couples, we insert our struggles, our judgements, our pain so easily, yet also seemingly so easily forget to let the people we are hoping to find more connection with, a simple assurance of who they are to us.  Can you imagine how differently a conflict might get resolved if I simply added the word friend, before I told them how they let me down?  Adding these kinds of words explicitly and out loud might even be enough to instantly shift what I say and how I say it.  It might even determine if I want to say my ‘complaint’ at all.

Typically, we are hoping for more understanding and connection when we are in distress with someone.  If I simply remember that we are friends, might that just be enough?  If it isn’t quite enough to resolve a conflict, might it soften the ‘distance’ I am imagining so the conversation is steeped in friendship and care, at least in addition to the sadness and hurt I might be feeling?

I’m looking for more kindness these days.

Because of all the political and social tribulation in the field, along with the name calling and misunderstandings and loss of dialogue that I find myself immersed in these days, simply adding the word friend would go a long way to changing the environment of distress so prevalent in my life and the culture in general.

My neighbor’s name is Ray.  I hadn’t seen him in a good while, maybe approaching a year.  I was at the mailbox when he came out of his house.  I yelled across the street, “Hey Ray”.  I added (silently), “Hi Ray friend”.  I wish I said it out loud.