Many people come to me in hopes of finding ways to deepen their connection with loved ones, partners, family members, workmates, etc. So often they are confused thinking it is the other person who is creating the distance. I invite you to consider the ways you separate yourself from the people in your life, often with simple greetings, intended to connect.
Here’s an example:
Once again, it is a ‘holiday’ ~ Mother’s Day (don’t get me started on what I think about this) and I see on facebook and have been hearing multiple greetings of “Happy Mother’s Day” all morning.
How is it that happy is the only feeling offered? Can people be delighted? Can they feel satisfied or content? How about devastated or grief stricken?
Which feelings are you okay with? And why?
I am thinking of the mom who lost their child suddenly this year, struggling in every minute to understand how to feel happy, and on this day being bombarded with demands to do so. I am thinking of my niece who who lost her mom and is reminded today how many big events in her life she won’t have her mom to cheer her on, or ask advice from. I am thinking of the mom’s who are struggling with their kids who aren’t quite thriving and suffering with their own thoughts of “I’m such a bad mother”. Or the many, many people still longing for a feeling of connection or nurturing with their own mother and confused about the pressure they might feel today ~ given the call to honor their mother ~ deepening their feeling of disappointment or despair.
I encourage you to be mindful today (and every day). How about instead of dumping your insistence on how someone should feel about the day, you offer a connecting request?
Say This Not That.
How about trying a few of these greetings? Notice if you are more connected with the person you are talking with.
- How are you feeling this Mother’s Day?
- Is Mother’s Day a holiday that has meaning for you? I’d love for you to share a bit about your day with me.
- I am missing my mom today and feel lonely on Mother’s Day. Is this a day you celebrate or mourn or both?
- This is such a hard day for me, I’m curious how you are doing today?
- I love Mother’s Day! It is an opportunity for me to celebrate all the people who have nurtured me. Would you like to hear a story about one? Is there someone in your life that you feel that way about?
If you want connection, it is simple. Ask for it!!
Blessings to everyone out there with deep feelings today, whatever your experience is.