Couples

Shop Your List, Not the Store

When I saw this title on a blog post I read, delivered to me from one of my favorite websites – Food 52, I immediately thought - oh yes, this is what I say to people over and over about relationships.  

The Sweet Spot

One of our deepest needs is connection, and a sense of belonging with each other.  And we struggle so much creating that experience with a great deal of the people we know, including our partners, family, friends, and co-workers.  Somehow we find ourselves upset, frustrated, confused, and disappointed, over and over.

How can this be?  Our most important human need is so challenging to experience.

Let’s use the short answer.

I Can't Hear You

Has this ever happened to you?

You are having an important conversation with your partner (or friend, or co-worker or parent) and it is crystal clear that they (consistently) aren’t understanding what you are saying?  You believe they aren’t listening, or they are taking what you say too personally.   They get upset when you think they shouldn’t.  You are feeling frustrated.  You are certain that you are communicating clearly.  How could they be misunderstanding you again?  Possibly you have tried to have a particular conversation before and run into similar situation.  Possibly it happens regularly. 

It’s all too annoying.

Fireworks.

Sexual chemistry is fun.  Our neurological and biochemical response to meeting a mate haven’t evolved much in the past 13,000 years. When you meet a person you like and who likes you, and has the promise of forever, biochemically, your body is telling you that you are safe.

In this day and age, it is often difficult to think in those kinds of practical terms. You just get happy.

New Year, New You. Why?

Every New Year you think about making resolutions.  You are going to be the new, better you?  

I don’t know, doesn’t that imply that there is something wrong with the old you?  Which is the you, you are right now.  

It is so easy to think there is something wrong with us.

Naughty or Nice? You Have Another Option

This kind of black and white thinking rules us.  We learn it from young.  You might get a gift from Santa if you are nice, be good or do what your parents want you to do.  

However continuing this practice of doing what someone else wants you to do, or ‘because it is nice’ (or good, or right) will only lead you to relationships filled with confusion and resentment.  

Holiday Haste + Holiday Waste ~ Be Mindful of your Relationships During the Holidays.

From Halloween through til New Years, we are bombarded with images of houses to decorate, parties to either perfectly host or joyfully participate in, hundreds of gifts to buy, including gifts to have in your closet so you can give a gift to someone you don’t know well enough to buy a real gift for yet have a gift for them if they happen into your home.  Don’t forget all these gifts require wrapping—thank goodness for gift bags and tissue paper.  Food shopping, traveling, organizing pet sitting, and the rest of it.

What About Sex?

Oooh!  A big question.  A complicated topic.  One that so rarely gets talked about with the curiosity, depth and sensitivity that it requires.

Sex can offer us some of the most pleasure and ecstatic experience possible.  It is also can be used to take someone’s power away, and create (in some cases) life long pain.

Awkward Conversations. Yes, you must have them.

There are a wide variety of what could be considered awkward conversations that couples and soon-to-be couples can have. In my opinion the sooner you have them, the more likelihood the relationship will work out.  What makes them awkward, of course, is complicated.  It depends on the people in the relationship, what they want, their individual communication skills, and communication compatibility as a couple.

Let’s start with this one.  

A Little Give and Take

I talk with a great deal of people some of whom share with me that they are ‘so ready for a relationship!’  These are words I understand and remember saying myself.

And, I wonder.  Are you really ready?

A Little Help Please.

Most people are super-enthusiastic when they come to my classes and hear what seems like poetry and expresses the Nonviolent Communication consciousness.  They hear the compassion, the curiosity, the clarity and the strength that can be communicated ~ even in significantly difficult situations.

Barometers

What are people really saying to you?  You can use these barometers to help you understand what is important to the person you are speaking with --and also for yourself, when you might be confused.

What's Your Evidence?

Are you telling people what you think using language that masquerades your story as truth?

I believe the quality of your life depends on a few things, one being the language you use and the words you say.  For that reason I offered you this question.  I think with a few tweaks here and there in what you say, you will feel more free, more open, more empowered in your life.