Conflict Resolution

Ouch.

Yesterday I was having a coffee (well, I had the carrot salad and fizzy water) with a friend.  This is Kim, a kindred spirit who I am inspired by and with and feel grateful when it works out that we can hang out.  We were catching up after her travels; she was on a journey with one of her mentors/spiritual teachers in Mexico.

Our conversation was lovely and lively, and was running deep.

And then, I noticed a shift. It was ever so slight, a move in my seat, a twitch in my face, a noticing of a mild ‘unpleasant’. 

I Can't Hear You

Has this ever happened to you?

You are having an important conversation with your partner (or friend, or co-worker or parent) and it is crystal clear that they (consistently) aren’t understanding what you are saying?  You believe they aren’t listening, or they are taking what you say too personally.   They get upset when you think they shouldn’t.  You are feeling frustrated.  You are certain that you are communicating clearly.  How could they be misunderstanding you again?  Possibly you have tried to have a particular conversation before and run into similar situation.  Possibly it happens regularly. 

It’s all too annoying.

Naughty or Nice? You Have Another Option

This kind of black and white thinking rules us.  We learn it from young.  You might get a gift from Santa if you are nice, be good or do what your parents want you to do.  

However continuing this practice of doing what someone else wants you to do, or ‘because it is nice’ (or good, or right) will only lead you to relationships filled with confusion and resentment.  

Holiday Haste + Holiday Waste ~ Be Mindful of your Relationships During the Holidays.

From Halloween through til New Years, we are bombarded with images of houses to decorate, parties to either perfectly host or joyfully participate in, hundreds of gifts to buy, including gifts to have in your closet so you can give a gift to someone you don’t know well enough to buy a real gift for yet have a gift for them if they happen into your home.  Don’t forget all these gifts require wrapping—thank goodness for gift bags and tissue paper.  Food shopping, traveling, organizing pet sitting, and the rest of it.

Weekend Regrets

Weekend Regrets

This week I have the opportunity to mourn some interactions I had over the weekend.  

What does that mean? 

It means that I had some experiences that I feel less than excited about.  In the moment they were a bit awkward.  I was feeling a bit confused, and disappointed, even a little sad in the moment.  Very aware that I wished ‘it’ was different.

Good Grief

Good Grief

When I was a very little child, I cried when I was upset.   I had such strong emotions, yet expressing them certainly didn’t bring me more understanding or the connection I deeply yearned for.  So I learned how to reign in my tears.

I Want to Tell You How I Feel

In Nonviolent Communication classes we spend a whole bunch of time figuring out how to feel our feelings.  How do we notice them?  How to distinguish feelings from thoughts, games to discern one feeling from another.  Practices to enhance our capacity to say what they are.    We have sheets and cards and magnets and games.  All so we can know what our feelings are.

And now you want to share them.

A Little Give and Take

I talk with a great deal of people some of whom share with me that they are ‘so ready for a relationship!’  These are words I understand and remember saying myself.

And, I wonder.  Are you really ready?

A Little Help Please.

Most people are super-enthusiastic when they come to my classes and hear what seems like poetry and expresses the Nonviolent Communication consciousness.  They hear the compassion, the curiosity, the clarity and the strength that can be communicated ~ even in significantly difficult situations.

Barometers

What are people really saying to you?  You can use these barometers to help you understand what is important to the person you are speaking with --and also for yourself, when you might be confused.

How do you Contribute?

How did you contribute to the situation you are unhappy about?

In my opinion it is one of the most empowering questions we can ask of ourselves.  When we are in a situation that we aren’t so happy about, depending what it is, then I encourage you to consider this first.

It's An Emergency! Emerge and See.

It's An Emergency!  Emerge and See.

I am quite moved by all the #metoo’s I am reading on Facebook.  So grateful that we have found an opening, a place to begin this conversation.  I am hearing about years and years of aggression, defense, confusion, pain, shame, and rage.  

I am experiencing this moment as women wanting to once again, emerge with all the power that the sacred feminine embodies.  It is an emergency.  

Two Great Letters

Two Great Letters

I bet you are wonder which letters they are?!  Possibly A?  It gets our alphabet started, gets you first in line at grade school if your name began with A.  Or T because my name begins with T.  E gets used quite a bit as well.

I am actually referring to two letters that I wrote (they were actually a series) of back and forth letters (they were actually email and texts).